regurge

it's britney, bitch

2008-03-24T20:59:00.003-04:00

if this episode is any indication of things to come, i think it's safe to say: britney's back. she was, hands down, the best part of this episode.

gimme gimme more.

just had to share this amazing gif

2008-03-24T20:57:00.000-04:00

my two favorite ladies... EVER

2008-03-23T00:15:00.000-04:00

steve-o's alky mom fed him booze as a baby

2008-03-20T21:25:00.003-04:00

is anyone really all that surprised? srsly.

(the part of me that still responds to that pesky soul of mine has to add: good on steve-o for entering rehab, though it was against his will, after showing suicidal tendencies).

source: us magazine

oh she just bein' miley!

2008-03-20T21:19:00.003-04:00

...b-but... that's not miley!!

this is, in fact, a super creepy was rendition brought to you by none other than new york city's madame tussands.

really, i don't get why people pay money for this (other than, of course, the ability to pretend to have taken a picture with a celeb). these figures really creep me out. sure, they're realistic and that's pretty great and a fantastic display of talent. but sheesh. fuckin' creeps me out.

lilo not as edgy as paris

2008-03-20T21:08:00.002-04:00

a poorly shot, grainy video was released on hey-i-gotta-rub-one-out site, xtube, was said to be of everyone's favorite now-sober(?) lindsay lohan noshing on ex-rehab bf calum best's peen. apparently there were a few other videos connected with the original that have better shots of the girl's face, proving that the video was not, in fact, lilo's.

lindsay, where has your edginess gone?!

source: the blemish

groundbreaking news: wine-o cuts herself

2008-03-20T21:02:00.002-04:00

friends of the star say, "meh, at least she's not smoking crack anymore."

ohai! i can has 2 much monee bb?!

2008-03-20T20:52:00.002-04:00

what better way to mourn the loss of a beloved pet than to turn that pet into a lovely, sparkly piece of jewelry? think it's a stupid idea? i sure do. while i have mourned the loss of pets in the past, wearing their remains on a chain around my neck or a ring or bracelet isn't exactly an appealing idea to me.

but what do i know? kimora lee simmons thinks it's a lovely idea. that's why she's having the remains of her recently deceased dog, zoe, made into a diamond she can tote around and use as a lovely icebreaker. "hey honey, have i introduced you to zoe? she used to be my puppy, but now she's my fave diiiiaaammoonnnnnd!"

douche.

source: starpulse

this just in: you're not cool

2008-03-20T20:44:00.003-04:00

there's no story here. i just had to point out the horrendous "fashion" choices of douchebags soulja boy & lil mama. first of all, mr soulja, what the hell made you think that ruining a perfectly fine pair of d&g sunglasses by scribbling your name across the lenses would be a good idea? it's not cool, and it has to be pretty annoying to see that shit while you're trying to walk around.

second, lil mama, what the hell is that hanging out of your mouth? it looks like a blinged out pacifier (which, hello, so went out of fashion about a decade ago, if not longer... regardless, they were always stupid. it's just worse now that it's not even trendy).

britney to make appearance on how i met your mother

2008-03-20T20:41:00.002-04:00

1. her hair appears to have been washed
2. she looks fantastic, all around
3. props to brit brit for demanding that she meet the cast before being given the role, so that they could decide if she was someone they wanted to work for.
4. props to the cast for giving her the go
5. can't wait for monday; everyone best tune in.

britney spears: break the ice

2008-03-20T20:38:00.002-04:00

i don't really get it. the video doesn't really relate to the song. but i love it.

k-fed really isn't a bad guy (and still really really hot)

2008-02-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

first of all, let's just all rejoice in the fact that k-fed has (allegedly) accepted the fact that he will probably never be taken seriously as a rapper.

if you need anyone to console you k, i'm here.

seriously. you're hot.

but i digress.

because he's hot.

apparently mr fed has been in talks with producers to film a reality show documenting his life as a single dad, but, yummy mchotsalot has nixed those plans in the wake of the ever-changing britney drama. a pretty stand-up move on his part, i think (not to mention, the last thing i think his kids need are cameras in their face at home. they get enough of it when they leave the house).

source: e! online

heath ledger: death an accident

2008-02-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

autopsy reports have come back and confirmed that, heath ledger did, in fact, die from an accidental overdose due to a lethal combination of prescription medication. his family is hoping that the suicide/drug abuse rumors come to a halt in the light of this evidence.

here's hoping.

i'm a big boy now

2008-02-06T19:53:00.000-05:00

kate hudson was spotted toting an empty stroller around manhattan today, as her 4-year-old son, ryder, walked beside her. this photo prompts the question: what the fuck warrants use of a stroller with a child that old, who is clearly capable of walking on his own two feet?

britney out of the hospital

2008-02-06T19:41:00.000-05:00

tmz has reported that britney spears was released from her intended 14-day psychiatric hold after doctors decided she was not a legal danger to herself or anyone else.

britney stayed home for an hour or two (a record for her), before pulling out in her brand-spanking-new mercedes to paint the town crazy. her destination: the beverly hills hotel. swarms of paparazzi (likely the biggest yet) followed her in a "high-speed chase" of o.j. proportions.

shortly after arriving at the beverly hills hotel, super creep adnan was seen pulling up to the hotel. a planned visit? an ambush visit? no one knows.

being preggers is NOT an excuse to look like shit

2008-02-06T19:31:00.000-05:00

yeah yeah, so she's rocking the pumps while she's carting around twin babies in her gullet. of course, i agree that this is the most fabulous, diva-rificly awesome thing. ever. i bet vicky beckham wore stilettos every day of her preggersy too. probably even after her water broke.

however, miss lo, just because you're rocking stilettos does not mean you can slack off with the rest of your ensemble. especially at fashion week.

tomorrow, let's show up with, oh, i don't know, maybe hair that looks combed. oh and, being that everyone knows you got a couple buns in your oven, perchance you could rock an outfit that doesn't look like an silk potato sack?

thanks.

britney in rolling stone

2008-02-06T19:21:00.001-05:00

once again, britney spears graces the pages of rolling stone. this feature, however, is strikingly different than any of her previous cameos in the notorious music mag. here's an excerpt from the article:

A pop star at the mall is an eternal cause for happiness, especially on a Sunday afternoon in the Valley. One moment, shoppers in the Westfield Topanga mall are living in the real world, monotonously selecting a new shade of eye shadow or rubbing perfume on wrists, but upon the rapture of Britney Spears, they are giggling, laughing, orgasmic, already sharing their secret on cell phones. "Her legs are actually really skinny," an adolescent whispers into her Sidekick, as Britney beelines for the Betsey Johnson boutique, pseudo-punk designer of evening dresses and splashy heels worn to suburban high school proms. In person, Britney is shockingly beautiful — clear skin, ruby lips, a perfectly proportioned twenty-six-year-old porcelain doll with a nasty weave. She cuts through the crowd swiftly, the way she used to when 20,000 adoring fans mobbed her outside a concert, with her paparazzi boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, trailing behind.

Only a few kids are in the store, a young girl with her brother and two blondes checking out fake-gold charm bracelets. Britney rifles the racks as the Cure's "Pictures of You" blasts into the airless pink boutique, grabbing a pink lace dress, a few tight black numbers and a frilly red crop top, the kind of shirt that Britney used to wear all the time at seventeen but isn't really appropriate for anyone over that age. Then she ducks into the dressing room with Ghalib. He emerges with her black Am Ex.

The card won't go through, but they keep trying it.

"Please," begs Ghalib, "get this done quickly."

One of the girls runs to Britney's dressing room, explaining the situation through a pink gauze curtain.

A wail emerges from the cubby — guttural, vile, the kind of base animalistic shriek only heard at a family member's deathbed. "Fuck these bitches," screams Britney, each word ringing out between sobs. "These idiots can't do anything right!"

Ghalib dashes over to console her, but she's already spitting, growling, throwing a big bottle of soda on the floor so that it begins to spill underneath the curtain, and then she's got a box of tissues and is throwing them on top of the wet floor along with piles of discarded merchandise. A new card finally goes through, but by then Britney is out the door, leaving her shirt on the ground and replacing it with the red top. "Fuck you, fuck people, fuck, fuck, fuck," she keeps screaming, her face splotchy and red as she crosses the interminable mall floor, the crowd behind her growing larger and larger. "Leave us alone!" yells Ghalib.

The siblings run after Britney to get a video to put up on YouTube, and some of the shopgirls run after her to hand off the merchandise she left behind, and there's an entire bridal party wearing yellow T-shirts who have pulled out camera phones too. A crush of managers in black shirts and gold name tags try to keep the peace, but the crowd running after Britney gets larger, and now the shopgirls have started to catch up to her, one of them slipping spectacularly in her platform shoes, grazing her elbow. She pulls herself up, mustering the strength to tap Britney's shoulder. "Um, I'm from the South too," she mumbles, "and I was wondering if I could get a picture with you for my little sister."

Britney turns to Ghalib and grabs his arm. "I don't want her talking to me!" she screams. She whirls around and stares the girl deep in the eyes, her lips almost vibrating with anger. "I don't know who you think I am, bitch," she snarls, "but I'm not that person."

source: rolling stone

rihanna shows up for nyc fashion week

2008-02-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

and apparently she's been taking fashion tips from lindsay.

james bond just got good... err, bad... wait..

2008-02-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

neil jackson, also known as god, has reportedly been cast to be the new bad guy in the latest installment of the james bond film series, currently filming.

finally, a reason to watch a james bond movie!

source: mi6

pop star update

2008-02-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

as you know, i've sort of laid low on the britney posts as of late. truth be told, the once fun-to-call-crazy pop star has, as everyone knows, taken a huge toll for the worse, and it's not quite so amusing anymore; it's more sad.

anyhoo, to recap: britney's stay at the mount sanai hospital has been extended to a mandatory 14-day stay for psychiatric observation, and legal authority has been transferred from douchebag sam lufti to britney's dad, jamie.

naturally, sam is disputing this decision, but in light of the following e-mail published by bitten and bound, lufti may have some difficulty:

Please get a message to Britney Spears, Sam will probably make her commit suicide, I personally know Sam, PLEASE READ
I personally know Sam Lutfi and he is a master manipulator, he almost made my good friend Danny Haines kill himself.
I just want to get a message to Britney to warn her of Sam’s real intentions.
I have access to hundreds of emails, text messages, voice messages of Sam talking about wanting to kill my friend Danny and that he should just kill himself among other bizarre statements he has made.
Danny met Sam and soon after Danny moved in with Sam as a new roommate, not long after that it went downhill.
I felt like I was Danny’s therapist for several months trying to help him get away from Sam and his brain washing.
Sam had stolen a total around of $18,000 from Danny from using his credit cards to buy plane tickets for himself to forging his checks that the credit card companies send you for cash advances. I went with Danny to one of the gas stations his mom owns to attempt to collect the money from Sam’s mother. I had Sam’s mom with checkbook in hand writing Danny a check until Sam showed up an made a huge scene at the gas station
Danny and I flew my airplane to Las Vegas for the weekend and I spent several hours with Danny and finally got him to call the bank and report the fraud Sam Lutfi had committed against Danny’s bank account. Before that phone call, Danny was very depressed because of what Sam had made him, after that phone call Danny’s eyes has life in them again and we went out that night night and had a great time. Sam is so convincing that about a week later Danny cancelled the fraud report after talking to Sam.
Please do your research on this clown, Danny has a restraining order (the court transcripts prove Sam is a Jackass) find it by searching North Orange County court records Fullerton Ca. case number 07NL02915
Sam also vandalized a older women’s new car at Costco last year because she took his parking spot. Sam took a pair of pliers and destroyed her vehicle. They could not find him because his Mercedes S500 was new and had no license plates yet. I’m in the process of trying to get Sam arrested for that through the Culver City Police Dept.

Thank You,
Ken Dungey

we'll let his e-mail speak for itself. additionally, us weekly reported:

Lutfi has had two restraining order against him for violent verbal and physical attacks, according to complaints obtained by Us, and has gone by multiple aliases, including Osama N. Lutti and Osamah N. Lutfi.

In a 2005 complaint, Jumana Issa, a business acquaintance, claims Lutfi “harassed me repeatedly with obscene e-mails, offensive faxes, telephone voice mails (around 1 a.m. to 3 a.m.), out-of-control behavior and outrageous telephone hang-ups (around 15 to 30 a day).” In one fax, Lutfi scolded: “Peel yourself away from all the candy … and overhangin [sic] belly … and answer my e-mails.”

His former neighbor, Douglas Snoland, filed a similar complaint in 2004, alleging that Lutfi tried to kick down his front door when he suspected Snoland of having his car towed. Snoland also accused Lutfi of wanting to kill his 73-year-old disabled mother. In the complaint, Snoland accused Lutfi of saying: “I will beat your ass … Your mother is a f—–g old hag. You are a f—-t. You will regret the day you ever met me.” Lutfi’s attorney denied the threats, but a judge granted a three-year restraining order to Lutfi to stay at least 15 feet away from Snoland and his mom.

this person needs to be out of her life for good.

colin's bro is a fag!

2008-01-30T21:29:00.001-05:00

there is a god.

hollywood beefcake, colin farrell is up for a new role. but no, this isn't for a movie. colin is going to serve as best man for his homo bro's wedding.

colin's bro, eanon, may not be as dreamy as his famous older brother, but hey, he's still got those farrell genes, and i'm still upset that he got picked up by someone who wasn't me.

source: pink news

david cross peta ad

2008-01-30T21:23:00.001-05:00

the theory behind this poster being that everyone will be far too busy vomiting to purchase furs.

stabbed in the back by a worm-boy

2008-01-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

so, i just found out that james mcavoy appeared with his wife, anne-marie duff to support her on some award she won.

this deeply upsets me.

when the hell did he get married, and when the hell was he going to tell me?!

we're through, james. THROUGH!

source: yahoo news

michelle williams may nix role

2008-01-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

in the wake of heath ledger's death, estranged fiancee michelle williams may pull out of her scheduled role opposite leonardo dicaprio... as dicaprio's dead wife.

friends of the grieving actress say that the intense psychological thriller, involving drug experiments, may not be something williams is up for so soon after ledger's death.

who could blame her?

currently williams is keeping a low-profile in her brooklyn home, kept company by her mother and her & ledger's 2-year-old daughter.

source: daily mail

miley miley bo biley

2008-01-30T20:51:00.000-05:00

everyone's favorite (and by everyone i mean me) child superstar, hannah montana, has finally acknowledged that "destiny hope" is a pretty stupid name, and as such, has legally changed her name to "miley ray cyrus," the ray, of course, a tribute to her daddy, billy ray.

but wait! there's more! according to newsweek, she's writing a book! but, and this is the cocktease part of the story: she doesn't intend on publishing. it's for her herself.

miley. i love you, but how selfish can you be? share your thoughts!!

also, for one week, starting this friday, theaters around the country will be showing a limited screening of "best of both worlds," a 3-d (yes, you read that right: 3-d!) film of her current tour, complete with backstage footage.

<3<3

arrest at the pitt residence

2008-01-30T20:41:00.001-05:00

eric mitchell, a young (25-years-old) freelancer was arrested for allegedly breaking into yummilicious brad pitt's gated community and then discovered (by the housekeeper) on is property. apparently the housekeeper gets to decide whether to press charges.

this story could've been way cooler if the freelancer had, oh i don't know, done something cooky, like streak across brad's front lawn, or y'know, if brad had been home. seriously. now he's all up and getting arrested, and for what?

nothing. that's what.

source: et

r.i.p heath leger

2008-01-22T22:28:00.000-05:00

it was the talk of my office when it was declared earlier this evening by tmz, always the leading breaker of celebrity news, tragic or otherwise.

let's now put aside rumors that an olsen twin was there. the fact is, a bodyguard of the olsen's was called because, upon discovery of leger's body, the bodyguard was called because of his close proximity and because said bodyguard was nearby.

leger's death is a question whose answer is sought by many. speculation alludes to a drug overdose, but many question the truth to that.

tmz reports a pill bottle, contents unidentified, were found near the actor's body.

more as the story unfolds.

golden wah-wah-waaahhhhhhh

2008-01-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

the golden compass.

i loved nicole kidman. in fact, as i read the entirety of the book series (before i saw the movie but after i knew she was in the film), i couldn't help but picture n. kid as mrs coulter. she was the absolute most perfect choice for the role.

then i saw the movie.

sure, certain things needed to be changed for the sake of keeping an audience captive for two hours.

but then came the ending.

the most PIVOTAL part of the entire novel.

they dropped the ball.

this movie does not get my endorsement.

all i can say is: i'm happy i didn't pay to see it. while it was entertaining, it strayed far too much from the actual story. so i say to you: if you are literate, bypass the movie, and instead, take some time to read the book (and the sequels... they are nothing short of a-fucking-mazing).

that is all.

golden blah

2008-01-13T22:25:00.000-05:00

golden globe awards apparently happened tonight.

yup. it's true.

but you wouldn't know. why? because the fucking network executives are continuing to prove that they're a bunch of money-hungry assholes.

no one showed.

no one accepted awards.

hey, ratings have never been better!!!

fuck you execs. you're nothing without the writers. give the writers what they're due. goddamned greedy pieces of shit.

get that limey brit away from brit!

2008-01-08T19:24:00.000-05:00

first of all, i don't care what anyone says. k-fed may have fucked up seriously while married to our lady brit brit, but in recent months, he seems to have redeemed himself tenfold.

and let's be honest, he is just so goddamn delicious. i mean, really. i would. twice.

anyhoo, that's besides the point. according to showbizspy.com, k-fed and his team of tenacious lawyers are working hard to have brit's alleged photog boyfriend taken away from her. how? you may ask. allegedly they are working to prove that his immigration paperwork is not entirely in order; effectively, they want this guy deported.

say what you want, k-fed is at least giving the appearance that he still cares for britney (and as far as i'm concerned, he has more than proved he cares deeply for his children). he knows that this guy, who trailed britney for 18-months before she was finally unstable enough to agree to date a papz, and this is not a time where brit should be fraternizing with the enemy.

another baby.

2008-01-08T19:15:00.000-05:00

ugh, getting preggers is soooooo 2007. way to be out of fashion nicky.

hannah montana rox

2008-01-08T19:09:00.000-05:00

star-ledger writer carrie stetler wrote an article detailing a list of 15 reasons she believes that people should love teenie-bop-sensation miley cyrus, including the fact that she's not a spoiled brat, she has a monthly allowance, and she's never been to rehab.

pfft.

i say that, while i agree everyone should love ms. cyrus, that list should be limited to a mere four points:

1. her t.v. show
2. see you again
3. let's dance
4. east northumberland high

interested in the full list of 15? you can read that here.

back on track

2008-01-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

2008 looks to begin a fresh start for the newly-rehabilitated lilo. according to a statement lohan released to larry king, the pop-star is making a concerted effort to cut back on smoking, and she's back in the recording studio, working on her third album.

so sure, maybe the crazy, normally entertaining antics may be gone, but here's hoping that sober lilo can start to produce entertaining things that we can buy at stores and listen to/watch over and over.

eating is for non-divas!

2008-01-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

mariah carey, best-known for being a self-centered floosie with an amazing set of pipes, was seen carrying a burger around st. barts in the caribbean. but our lady diva ho wasn't eating it. no, no. just carrying it.

create the illusion, and they shall believe it.

am i right?

nicole's preggers scare

2008-01-04T19:35:00.001-05:00

the morning after christmas, nicole richie, feeling "dizzy and disoriented" was rushed to the hospital, thanks to her quick-reacting boyfriend, joel madden. after having had a scare a few months back, when nicole experience heavy bleeding, the mother-to-be wasn't going to take any chances. thankfully, everything checked out okay.

source: hollyscoop

i finally have a chance

2008-01-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

the national enquirer, our country's most reputable source of reliable news--news that is never made up and always thoroughly fact-checked--has reported that yummilicious zac efron has broken up with longtime honey bunny vanessa hudgens, just days before christmas.

sources also say, mr. efron was lured away from his hot girlfriend by none other than yours truly.

we're in love. don't hate.

britney's meltdown

2008-01-04T19:01:00.000-05:00

it's not even funny anymore. it's sad, and the images are kind of haunting. seeing britney go from a vacant, lost expression to laughter and back, all in the span of a few seconds.

last night, hours after britney skipped her third depo with k-fed's lawyers, the young pop-star refused to give up her children to k-fed's bodyguards, despite her court-arranged visit having come to an end. while britney's monitor brought preston to the bodyguard's car, britney locked herself in a room with jayden, refusing to leave. the monitor called the police, who showed up, ambulance soon to follow, and the door had to be broken down to retrieve the fallen star and her surely scared child.

a broken britney was strapped to a gurney and taken away by ambulance. the photos taken were haunting. at first, officials believed that she was under the influence of some unknown substance, but i immediately disbelieved it, being that the court monitor was with her. it was later confirmed that she was not on any substance, and that her erratic behavior was likely due to a mental breakdown, likely related to a bipolar disorder.

britney is currently under a 72-hour mental health watch at a local hospital, being considered a threat to both herself and others.

she truly is just a girl who needs help.

luckiest girl in america

2007-12-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

okay, well, maybe except for victoria beckham.

but still. maura tierney, cutie patootie er actress has apparently started dating uncle jesse.

totes jelly.

source: la times

princessalicious

2007-12-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

oh fergie fergie fergie...

i've come to expect almost anything of you. really. i didn't think much would surprise me. but this?

"people put celebrities on a pedestal and act like they're perfect," fergie tells blender magazine. "but i'm more like the people's artist - the same way diana was 'the people's princess.' i'm a little more human than other artists. i'm not afraid to show my flaws."

really?

you're like diana? princess diana? the british one?

y'know, i'm fairly certain diana never pissed herself during a performance in front of thousands of fans. but then again, i was never all that great at history.

source: wenn

babies keep fallin' on my head

2007-12-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

first came two britney pregnancies.

then ms. richie fessed up about her small wonder.

shortly after, xtina decided to showcase her baby bump.

and who could forget j.lo and the billowing monstrosities she donned on-stage in an attempt to conceal the bun in her oven?

then baby spears (literally, a baby) admitted to being preggers.

and now, joining the super cool celebrity mommies club:

lily allen!!

so the real question is, when this baby pops out, will we still see such crazy allen antics as bailing on tour dates only to go out later that night and request that friends carry her out of the club in a paper shopping bag?

here's hoping!!

source: the sun

ANOTHER baby spears?!

2007-12-18T21:25:00.001-05:00

and no, not of the britney sort.

according to yahoo news, jamie lynn spears, at the ripe ol' age of 16, has admitted that she is 12 weeks pregnant. the father? none other than her steady boyfriend, casey aldridge.

must be somethin' in them spears genes.

holy jawdropper, batman

2007-12-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

he's hot. he's buff. and we all want to rip his clothes off with our teeth. and now, david beckham's wife, the belovedly 'major' posh spice, has revealed that her delicious husband's big ben, is, well.. big.

according to wicked youth, vicky beckham responded to allegations that her hubby's bulge was digitally enhanced in the new emporio armani underwear ads. "i'm proud i still have a really good sex life with david. he is very much in proportion. he does have a huge one, though. he does. you can see that in the advert. it is all his. it is like a tractor exhaust pipe!"

oh victoria, you do have a way with words.

i need a moment alone.

fuck court. let's party!

2007-12-17T22:01:00.000-05:00

oh brit brit.. i just caught a glimpse of you new video for piece of me, and let me tell you.. i thought you looked phenom. of course, you're still far from redemption, but i'll give it to ya: your hair look washed, your outfit was smokin, and i'm super stoked that the video wasn't 3 1/2 minutes of you half assedly dry-humping a pole. granted, you weren't doing all that much dancing, not as much as i'd like, but you looked good.

but i digress.

so last week our lady of a million wigs decided to bail on her scheduled depo, citing an illness, but later was spotted at not one, but two gas stations, and a four seasons hotel.

brit.. honey.. baby.. i've stood by you for a while. but even you can't be so retarded that you don't realize you can't fart without it being splashed across the front page. what made you think you could pull off a night on the town without everyone knowing?

and now, k-fed's lawyer appears to be ready to request that britney lose all custody until completing her depo.

but for some reason, i really don't think brit cares all that much about regaining custody.

source: tmz

someone's gonna diiie and i wanna know whoooo

2007-12-17T21:44:00.000-05:00

for those of you who, much like myself, found themselves on the brink of tears upon discovering that last night's desperate housewives was in fact, a repeat, and not the much-anticipated conclusion (during which someone dies) to the jaw-dropping hurricane episode, fret not: sources say the episode is slated to air on january 6.

maybe now i'll finally get some sleep at night.

donatella can't get a date. no one surprised.

2007-12-15T20:55:00.000-05:00

donatella versace has admitted, more or less, that she's kind of a bitch to date, chocking up her singlehood to being "so complicated."

she continued to say "people have a low perception of me, men especially. they think, 'this woman, she's a nightmare.'"

call it a hunch, but methinks it might also have something to do with her face.

zac iz hot

2007-12-15T20:49:00.000-05:00

an industrious company called "contact any celebrity" has reported that delicious zac efron is the "most wanted" celebrity of 2007.

duh.

source: gossip boulevard

sedaris goes country

2007-11-27T18:58:00.000-05:00

amy sedaris, best known for her role as jerri blank on tv's strangers with candy, is starring in dolly parton's latest video, for her single better get to livin'.

source: amysedarisrocks

janet to release a new album

2007-11-27T18:57:00.000-05:00

let's hope it's nothing like the last one.

that is all.

will you be my driver, y'all?

2007-11-27T18:51:00.000-05:00

britney spears finally senses up some and hired a driver to help save the lives of countless citizens (and i'm sure the recent court order preventing her from driving with her children had little to do with the decision to hire this driver). but less than a week later, he's ready to quit. and the reason: shocking!

apparently driving with britney can be hazardous, because every now and then a couple of photogs follow her, disobey common sense and legal rules of the road, all while trying to get a picture of our lovely pop princess in distress.

astounding!

source: tmz

preview of tatu's new video

2007-11-23T17:20:00.001-05:00

so fucking edgy. loves.

i'm a stupid idiot mother

2007-11-16T19:39:00.000-05:00

lindsay lohan entered jail a troubled woman. but 84 minutes later, she left jail a changed woman.

well, according lilo's mom, dina pay-attention-to-me lohan. "lindsay has been given a new start and will put this behind her."

now, call me crazy, but i'm thinking that the few months lilo spent in rehab is probably a little bit more pivotal to her recovery, and a far more appropriate symbol of the start of her new life (provided she keeps clean).

source: people

crazy ideaz from crazy peepz

2007-11-16T19:36:00.001-05:00

everyone's favorite crackstar, courtney love, is contemplating following in radiohead's path, giving away new music (she's recording an album?) to fans for free. "i'm grateful for radiohead for making the first move. i'd do it differently. that's why b-sides are no longer b-sides, but have to be a-sides, to an extent. i love risk, and most everything i've ever done well has been because everyone said i was crazy to do it. that's why words like 'risk management' and 'time management' are resonating with me now."

she later began responding to questions with "where am i?" and "who the hell are you?!"

source: nme.com

skeletor's daughter

2007-11-16T19:27:00.000-05:00

first of all, does it piss anyone else off that the names on video cases NEVER line up with the order of the stars in the picture? seriously, what the fuck?

second, is it me, or did someone go airbrush crazy on ms hudson's torso? her waist goes in so far, her rather slender shoulders resemble those of a linebacker. bitch looks ready to take out matthew mcconaughey.

kate, if that is really you and not the product of an over-zealous computer geek creating his ideal-but-not-achievable girlfriend, then i have this bit of advice for you: EAT A FUCKIN CHEESEBURGER!

I CAN'T HELP BUT SHOUT!!!

2007-11-16T19:23:00.000-05:00

vh1 loud-mouth new york was caught on the streets being loud and stupid. shocking. upon learning that the cameras focused on her heaving bosoms were none other than tmz, the outspoken complaintress exclaimed how happy she was to be the focus of tmz's attentions.

because she's an overzealous attention whore.

source: tmz

leave the kids at home, bitch

2007-11-16T19:17:00.000-05:00

a judge has ruled that britney can no longer drive with her kids in the car.

seriously, what the fuck? i've been cut off by bitches driving while chatting on their cell phones with kids in the car, and there's no way anything would happen to them. but because she's high-profile and stalked by blood-thirty photogs, she's stripped of this for a one-time offense?

i'm not saying she's perfect, but goddamn, cut the girl a break.

/rant

source: tmz

parker's got some fucked up heels yo

2007-11-16T19:13:00.000-05:00

parker hon, i love you, but them's some fucked up heels. i don't care if marc jacobs says they're hot, or if you're one of the more fashion-savvy actresses in the industry, i just don't like them. heels are called heels because that's where they belong: on your heel.

also, not quite digging that karate kid-inspired wrap dress bathrobe thing you're wearing. please think twice next time you put your outfit together, kthx.

my fanz are fagz

2007-11-15T18:49:00.000-05:00

m.j. knows that the majority of her fans are fruits, and she's cool with that. in fact, the queers have been the inspiration for a remix album. planned tracks for the album include "deep inside (your butt)," "beautiful one (in my pants)," and "the love i never had (i give myself)."

pets are hot, bitch.

2007-11-15T18:40:00.000-05:00

paris hilton has picked up a new accessory/pet she totes around in an adorable burberry bag. its name: marilyn monroe.

loves.

you're makin' daddy cry again

2007-11-13T18:55:00.000-05:00

ryan phillippe fagged out hardcore in an interview with a u.k. magazine, detailing the emotional turmoil he experienced after divorcing his wife of seven years, reese witherspoon. "after the divorce, i was a physical wreck. i wanted to die. i was ready to kill myself. i was not taking care of myself at all. i would wake up and cry and vomit." phillippe continued, saying, "when i was younger, i didn't have enough to cry about. but since i've had kids, i feel my work has become better, because my life is fuller and more complicated, and i've experienced so many highs and lows."

it's okay ryan, baby. i'll comfort you. c'mere.

get your side bewbs outta mah wedding!

2007-11-13T18:39:00.001-05:00

sultry singing sensation rihanna was reportedly asked to leave her cousin's wedding for being an scantily clad attention whore. the singer arrived at the wedding of cousin nigel almstrom in barbados on october 27, blowing kisses to fans as she entered the church and prominently displaying her side boobs for all to see. the couple-to-be couldn't stand the diva bitchiness and, after having words with the pop star, miss rihanna was asked to leave.

other guests of the wedding protested, as rihanna's side boobage would have made sitting through a boring ceremony worthwhile.

source: celebitchy.com

is it january yet?

2007-11-12T19:11:00.000-05:00

in what can only be described as the single most important thing to ever happen (EVER), women's wear daily has reported that superstar adonis david "do me" beckham has been hired by giorgio armani to shoot an underwear campaign which will debut in fashion magazines starting in january.

david beckham.

underwear campaign.

wipe that drool off your chin.

pop [star] quiz

2007-11-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

q: what do vanessa hudgens & rosario dawson have in common?

here's a hint:

wait for it..

waaaaiit for it....

a: an affinity for horrendously ugly dresses OH!

source: justjared

spicetastic commercial

2007-11-12T19:02:00.000-05:00

blackout to help kidz

2007-11-12T18:52:00.000-05:00

america's favorite mess is auctioning an autographed copy of her latest cd, blackout, on ebay. 100% of the proceeds will be donated to unicef, an organization dedicated to aiding children in need around the world.

go britney.

source: x17

this just in: jack nicholson is a douchebag

2007-11-07T19:20:00.000-05:00

jacko doesn't deserve an image (plus, this is far more appealing to the eye).

in an interview with mtv, jack nicholson whined like a 4-year-old denied the right to a delightful cookie snack. when asked what he felt about hottie heath leger taking on the role of the new joker for the upcoming batman movie, nicholson seemed surprised they didn't offer the job to him first. "they never asked me about a sequel with the joker," nicholson said. "i know how to do that! nobody ever asked me."

oh. i'm sorry. i didn't realize an overweight 70-year-old grandpa could still pull of the role of the svelte, suit-donning joker.

nicholson continued to bitch, saying the joker was a role he was always meant to play, that maybe he's wrong for how he feels but he's still "furious," and that he has no intention of seeing the film.

wah wah jack. may your millions of dollars and 3 oscars comfort your poor, bleeding heart.

btw: enough with the sunglasses at night. you're not that cool.

source: mtv

i.. crave.. ATTENTION!!

2007-11-07T19:07:00.000-05:00

spencer pratt, best known for being an attention-seeking camera whore with fellow whoreface heidi montag, is allegedly attempting to secretly leak a sex tape he made in brazil, masquerading the release as a mistake.

denying the claims, spencer slyly whored himself out to promote another project of his: "i was never on camera, and there is no sex tape. however, i did go to brazil three years ago to film a jujitsu tournament for a documentary."

if the tape is released, sources say that it's sure to be chock full of aw yeeea baby's, mmm you like that babe's, and tell me i'm pretty's.

source: dlisted

project runway ready to go!

2007-11-07T19:02:00.000-05:00

finally. after what has felt like years and years and maybe even eons in limbo, project runway is ready to air. season 4 has finished filming, leaving our favourite brit (notice how i spelled favorite all british-like in honor of timmy???) with this to say: "this is the first season I've said any one of the designers is talented enough to win the entire season."

can't wait.

source (and runway images): fabsugar

drunks love vegas

2007-11-07T18:56:00.000-05:00

mel "sugartits" gibson has ventured off to one of the safest venues for a moderately-high-profiled celebrity with a pending dui "progress report," scheduled for february '08: las vegas night clubs!

despite spending one night at ceasars palace's pure and a second night at mirage's jet, it appears america's anti-semitic superstar quenched his thirst with a simple mix of red bull & water.

source: tmz

have meds, can tolerate jessica

2007-11-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

jessica simpson and owen wilson were spotted dining together at the huntley hotel in santa monica late last month, and again this week at nyc's waverly inn. according to eye-witnesses, there was laughter, arm-touching, and the all-powerful love clue: hair-tossing. is this a new love match? only time will tell.

source: us weekly

baller britney

2007-11-02T10:23:00.000-04:00

in a shocking revelation, the associated press has reported that britney spears spends a lot of money. i know! i'm left speechless, myself. maybe it's because she always wears the same pair of d&g sunglasses, but i always thought britney was a frugal spender. so what does our troubled pop princess spend a good chunk of her $737,000 monthly income on? let's take a look, shall we? each month, britney spends:

$49,267 to pay the mortgages on her two homes
$16,000 on clothes (totes jelly)
$102,000 on "entertainment, gifts and vacation"
$4,758 eating out (taco bell is expensive, y'all)
$20,000 spousal support (which will end nov. 15, thank god)
$15,000 in child support
aaand a meager $500 in charitable contributions

grand total: $207,525

source: cnn

blackout is divine

2007-10-30T23:02:00.000-04:00

it's amazing. provided britney can produce a video that surpasses gimme more, which shouldn't be hard, and can unleash a tremendous new tour (or a fantastic live performance somewhere), guaranteed the girl will put forth a comeback that will far outdo mariah's mimi bullshit.

source: me. because my opinion is all that matters.

dreamy mcbondsalot

2007-10-29T19:20:00.000-04:00

okay, so apparently the last bond film starred this beefcake, daniel craig, and someone forgot to send me the memo. thank god i found out, because he has reportedly been signed on to film four more bond films.

source: just jared

nicole's smokin'

2007-10-29T19:12:00.000-04:00

former bobblehead and current mommy-to-be nicole richie was reportedly spotted smokin' cigs, despite the complications this can cause for expecting mothers.

i interviewed the surgeon general* who had this to say: "at least it's not crack."

source: ny post

*no i didn't.

j. timb has a huge junk

2007-10-29T19:10:00.000-04:00

what? you want something witty to go with this? just look at the picture. jesus.

source: tmz

forgive me father, for i have sinned

2007-10-29T18:52:00.000-04:00

in a shocking twist of events, britney spears has done something controversial.

please. take a moment to process.

new promotional photos from her new album, blackout, on sale tomorrow (!!!), have shook things up in the house of jesus. spears, donning what appears to be a shirt-dress, natch, and a rosary, is pictured seducing a stunningly handsome priest.

gimme gimme, more britney. you keep renewing my faith in you (not that i ever truly lost it).

source: britneyboards

that's MY mommy, bitch!

2007-10-29T18:29:00.000-04:00

brooke shields had the distinct pleasure of calming her daughter, rowan henchy (pictured above attempting to shoot fire from her eyes), on the set of disney channel's hannah montana, after the indignant 4-year-old suffered from a bout of jealousy at the sight of her mommy playing the role of another young girl's mother.

shields guest-starred as the deceased-but-come-back-to-life-for-a-heart-to-heart mother of ms montana, played by miley cyrus. apparently the show's writers had the audacity to force shields to refer to her on-screen daughter-for-a-day as "baby girl," setting the young wannabe fire-starter into a jealous frenzy, shouting "that's my mama for real life!" baby girl is the real life nickname shields calls young rowan.

suddenly susan was able to calm her daughter down by introducing her to cyrus; the 4-year-old was content, but only after reaffirming her parental ownership.

source: people

leave britney alone! and pay attention to ME!

2007-10-26T21:07:00.001-04:00

the internet's favorite southern crybaby, chris crocker, has donned his sunday best and set out for a night on the town, mirroring the past antics of britney & paris, flashing his mangina all over the place.

trust me, you're better off seeing the censored version.

source: dlisted and my worst nightmares

2007-10-26T20:53:00.000-04:00

further proof that celebs are superior than normal humans and can get away with everything, orlando bloom will not be charged with a hit-and-run, despite filmed evidence that documented his fleeing from the scene of an accident, leaving behind a passenger with a fractured neck; monsieur bloom was behind the wheel, and may not have returned to the scene if not for the persistent paparazzi (i guess since they cause so many accidents, they're experts on proper protocol post-accident).

and despite allegations that bloom may have been a few sheets to the wind, being that no breathalyser was given, they determined his erratic behavior is to be attributed to being "dazed."

source: tmz, duh

holy trainwreck, batman!

2007-10-26T20:44:00.000-04:00

well, he certainly ain't no daniel radcliffe, but lily allen's pot-smoking lil brother, alfie, is the next alan stang in the play, equus. i'm about ready to stage a protest, because seriously, what gives? whatever, peter shaffer thinks he gave a great performance in atonement, but um, how does that guy above compare to this?:

talk about a downgrade. f minus.

source: digital spy

lindsay saw a movie

2007-10-26T20:38:00.000-04:00

and the world is once again at piece.

lindsay lohan was spotted leaving the movies, having just watched across the universe. post-rehab lindsay, back in the habit of eating, may have even gorged on some popcorn. butter? no thanks.

source: x17

i want mah kids, y'all

2007-10-26T20:24:00.000-04:00

after what is destined to be the most famous court case in the history of court cases, britney and kevin finally faced off today in what promises to be a custody battle of epic proportions. with security tighter than a virgin vagina, no footage was allowed in the courtroom, though at the end, britney reportedly left looking distraught, while dad-of-the-year and all-star rapper k-fed was all smiles.

brit, hon, keep it up. it took a lot to make federline look like the better parent, but it shouldn't take much to fix that.

it should also be noted that britney was awarded bonus points in this round for not flashing her coochie snorcher when getting out of her car.

source: tmz

from the 'hat to country hats

2007-10-25T20:34:00.000-04:00

despite stories that america's formerly favorite airhead was looking for apartments in manhattan, it seems jessica simpson decided to nix the big apple for the country capital of the world, tennessee, to continue drawing in inspiration for her next album. too bad; i was looking forward to many happy afternoons of stalking her as i struggle to capture a lackluster image of her on my cell phone after having left my camera at home again because i can never seem to remember it.

source: female first

leave ur fone @ home y'all

2007-10-25T20:26:00.000-04:00

court officials said that all cameras, recording devices and cell phones are strictly forbidden from tomorrow's court hearing between britney spears & ex-moocher keven federline. anyone lucky enough to attend tomorrow's festivities will have to forfeit any such device at one of two security check-ins.

i still expect to see images of the hearing surface tomorrow.

source: tmz

i've got a puffy skirt!

2007-10-24T22:06:00.000-04:00

and i'm on a magazine cover!

and it's quite possible that i'm a little drunk! whooooaa! spice up your life, yo!

to her credit though, girl's got legs for daaaays.

lance is a big ol' queer

2007-10-24T21:54:00.000-04:00

oh, and apparently he wrote a book too. neat. if you feel so inclined, the former n*sync singer (and can you believe it, the only one out after all this time??) will be appearing at the following venues:

10/24/07, 7:00pm, bookends - ridgewood, nj
10/25/07, 8:00pm, outwrite books – atlanta, ga
10/26/07, 6:00pm, books & books - coral gables, fl
10/27/07, 7:00pm, borders books – winter park, fl
10/28/07, 7:00pm, borders books – dallas, tx
10/29/07, 7:30pm, borders books – chicago, il
10/30/07, 7:00pm, books inc. - san francisco, ca

let's hear it for the boy!

2007-10-24T21:50:00.000-04:00

oh, whoops. that's just natalie portman! well color my face red!

i could be your hero baby

2007-10-24T21:21:00.000-04:00

sure, there's been speculation for months now, each rumor brutally rebuffed with denial. but now, it's getting a little too hard to conceal the truth. heroes star milo ventimiglia reportedly gave kind-of-annoying-but-i-guess-i-like-her costar hayden panettiere an 18-karat gold tiffany ring for her hey-now-i-can-bang-ya-legally birthday celebration. oh, and reportedly, there was one karat per year of her life. how freaken sweet!

the ring, a woven number with a heart, apparently cost $1,950, which really isn't all that much for a strictly platonic friendship, right?

oh, and did i mention, the ring, according to in touch weekly, is inscribed with "sweet like hayden."

seriously? is that the best you could come up with milo? i mean, don't get me wrong, i'd hit it. but uh, please, refrain from articulating your thoughts, thanks.

source: celebrity true

new britney blackout promo

2007-10-24T17:32:00.001-04:00

10.24.07

scent of a diva

2007-10-24T11:18:00.000-04:00

wearing that dress she wears everyday, the record industry's biggest asshole recently made an appearance at macy*s to promote her new fragrance, m. the fragrance, which reportedly reeks of moroccan incense, a tahitian flower, and toasted marshmallows (what..?), will allegedly allow everyday people to at least smell like a big, cunty diva.

strike a pose mariah! promise, it doesn't look rehearsed at all! you are all natural, baby. a real person. and super down to earth!

a cinderella bore-y

2007-10-24T11:04:00.000-04:00

remember how a cinderella story came out, starring the lovely veneer-toting hilary duff, and how everyone was all, "wow that movie looks really stupid but hilary is awesome despite her huge teeth (though i think she actually has grown into them) so i guess i'll give it a whirl," and so then you watched it and were about as amused as you were in raise your voice, though you are and will forever remain too embarrassed to tell anyone other than your closest, most trusted friends?

according to imdb, the sequel, another cinderella story, is due out sometime next year. and no, our girl hilary is too good to star in a sequel that will likely succeed in nothing more than rearranging the storyline from the first and confusing people into thinking it's a new, original plot.

however, the upside..?

this delicious hunk of hotness will be playing the lead male role.

oj pimpson

2007-10-23T21:15:00.000-04:00

he's gotten away with murder.* he's written a book about how he committed said murder. no telling how much dough that will rake in. regardless, according to tmz, the hockey mask wearing football player (catch the jason reference, eh? EH?? cuz jason was a murderer! ya dig..?) cashed in on $1.2 million in NFL pensions from 2003-2005.

god bless america.

*that's my opinion. don't sue me.
source: tmz

say you'll be square

2007-10-23T15:42:00.000-04:00

okay, so yeah, it's a great track, but i'm not gonna lie... girls, if you're only coming out with one new song, why couldn't it have been a rebirth of the say you'll be there times? who doesn't love a good, upbeat, poorly-worded pop song? really, now.

i want more zigazig ah!

source: youtube

still unemployed, must lash out

2007-10-23T15:29:00.000-04:00

a band of misfit ex-employees has come together, in the guise of goodwill, pooling all of their resources into a deliciously bugglegum myspace page chock full of pathetic ramblings, in an attempt to curtail sales of britney spears' upcoming album, blackout.

an excerpt:

Contact MTV and hold them responsible for allowing Britney to come out and really give us all the finger because she knew we’d all be curious to see what she did. Contact her record label and let them know you’ll buy her album, but not until she is clean and sober and realizes the amazing life she has created for herself.

last i checked, girl has passed several drug tests. not to mention, former employees of britney hardly take flight on a good note. methinks this is a lame attempt at revenge, which i'm sure will succeed in stopping tens and tens of people from purchasing the album.

britney, it's time to curb your spending honey. it's gonna be a long winter.

source: rolling stone

gimme gimme my kids

2007-10-20T22:26:00.000-04:00

praise allah! britney spears has been reawarded visitation rights! america's favorite shirt-as-a-skirt-wearing mommy has been granted the right to hang with her kids, albeit with a court-appointed monitor, of course, after complying with court mandates. her visitation rights were taken away when the courts discovered britney left no contact information with them crazy drug-testing folk.

source: people

addicted

2007-10-20T19:53:00.000-04:00

ain't that the truth. despite being forced to cancel her large-venue tour due to low ticket sales, ms. clarkson bounced back with a tour of shows hosted at much smalled venues. i could have done without the reels of stock footage playing on the four banners on-stage, but that aside, kelly puts on a damn good show. engaging the audience, interjecting quirky anecdotes in an adorably long-winded manner, and singing (actually singing!) amazingly.

here are a bunch of shitty cell phone pics, because i was too stupid to bring a camera.

lindsay drinking again...

2007-10-20T18:22:00.000-04:00

...coffee, that is

in what has been referred to as one of the hottest stories of the year, lindsay lohan has been spotted at, get this, a starbucks. the actress allegedly ordered a coffee. milk & sugar may have been involved.

source: dlisted

new york spicy

2007-10-20T17:45:00.000-04:00

the spice girls have finally booked dates for performances in the new york city area!

2.06.08, Nassau Coliseum Uniondale, NY

2.10.08, Prudential Center Newark, NJ

2.11.08, Prudential Center Newark, NJ

2.13.08, Continental Arena East Rutherford, NJ

this just in: nerds are effing hot

2007-10-19T23:10:00.001-04:00

ugly betty's christopher gorham, without a shirt on. do i need to come up with some witty anecdote to justify this post? i hope not. i just don't want to lose this picture, but i'm also a little too embarrassed to bookmark it.

spice tour

2007-10-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

with 14 confirmed performances in london, and a whopping zero in the cultural epicenter of the world, new york city (okay, maybe a stretch, but seriously, what gives?), the spice girls welcome fans back to their web site with a facelift and a ton of a new information. they've even started a blog!

to all you new york city fans who registered and then cried yourself to sleep when the dates were canceled: fret not! according to the web site, nyc isn't canceled, rather, the dates are tbd. so we'll see. we still may be treated to a non-lesbianic dose of girl power.

katie's cute, suri isn't an alien

2007-10-19T22:28:00.000-04:00

katie holmes walks non-alien daughter suri in manhattan's upper east side. i don't care what people say. sure, tom is pretty crazy, therefore katie has a certain degree of insanity, but as a family, they make a cute one, and suri is adorable. scientology & crazy name spelling obsession aside, what a freaken adorable family.