britney spears finally senses up some and hired a driver to help save the lives of countless citizens (and i'm sure the recent court order preventing her from driving with her children had little to do with the decision to hire this driver). but less than a week later, he's ready to quit. and the reason: shocking!
apparently driving with britney can be hazardous, because every now and then a couple of photogs follow her, disobey common sense and legal rules of the road, all while trying to get a picture of our lovely pop princess in distress.
lindsay lohan entered jail a troubled woman. but 84 minutes later, she left jail a changed woman.
well, according lilo's mom, dina pay-attention-to-me lohan. "lindsay has been given a new start and will put this behind her."
now, call me crazy, but i'm thinking that the few months lilo spent in rehab is probably a little bit more pivotal to her recovery, and a far more appropriate symbol of the start of her new life (provided she keeps clean).
everyone's favorite crackstar, courtney love, is contemplating following in radiohead's path, giving away new music (she's recording an album?) to fans for free. "i'm grateful for radiohead for making the first move. i'd do it differently. that's why b-sides are no longer b-sides, but have to be a-sides, to an extent. i love risk, and most everything i've ever done well has been because everyone said i was crazy to do it. that's why words like 'risk management' and 'time management' are resonating with me now."
she later began responding to questions with "where am i?" and "who the hell are you?!"
first of all, does it piss anyone else off that the names on video cases NEVER line up with the order of the stars in the picture? seriously, what the fuck?
second, is it me, or did someone go airbrush crazy on ms hudson's torso? her waist goes in so far, her rather slender shoulders resemble those of a linebacker. bitch looks ready to take out matthew mcconaughey.
kate, if that is really you and not the product of an over-zealous computer geek creating his ideal-but-not-achievable girlfriend, then i have this bit of advice for you: EAT A FUCKIN CHEESEBURGER!
vh1 loud-mouth new york was caught on the streets being loud and stupid. shocking. upon learning that the cameras focused on her heaving bosoms were none other than tmz, the outspoken complaintress exclaimed how happy she was to be the focus of tmz's attentions.
a judge has ruled that britney can no longer drive with her kids in the car.
seriously, what the fuck? i've been cut off by bitches driving while chatting on their cell phones with kids in the car, and there's no way anything would happen to them. but because she's high-profile and stalked by blood-thirty photogs, she's stripped of this for a one-time offense?
i'm not saying she's perfect, but goddamn, cut the girl a break.
parker hon, i love you, but them's some fucked up heels. i don't care if marc jacobs says they're hot, or if you're one of the more fashion-savvy actresses in the industry, i just don't like them. heels are called heels because that's where they belong: on your heel.
also, not quite digging that karate kid-inspired wrap dress bathrobe thing you're wearing. please think twice next time you put your outfit together, kthx.
m.j. knows that the majority of her fans are fruits, and she's cool with that. in fact, the queers have been the inspiration for a remix album. planned tracks for the album include "deep inside (your butt)," "beautiful one (in my pants)," and "the love i never had (i give myself)."
ryan phillippe fagged out hardcore in an interview with a u.k. magazine, detailing the emotional turmoil he experienced after divorcing his wife of seven years, reese witherspoon. "after the divorce, i was a physical wreck. i wanted to die. i was ready to kill myself. i was not taking care of myself at all. i would wake up and cry and vomit." phillippe continued, saying, "when i was younger, i didn't have enough to cry about. but since i've had kids, i feel my work has become better, because my life is fuller and more complicated, and i've experienced so many highs and lows."
sultry singing sensation rihanna was reportedly asked to leave her cousin's wedding for being an scantily clad attention whore. the singer arrived at the wedding of cousin nigel almstrom in barbados on october 27, blowing kisses to fans as she entered the church and prominently displaying her side boobs for all to see. the couple-to-be couldn't stand the diva bitchiness and, after having words with the pop star, miss rihanna was asked to leave.
other guests of the wedding protested, as rihanna's side boobage would have made sitting through a boring ceremony worthwhile.
in what can only be described as the single most important thing to ever happen (EVER), women's wear daily has reported that superstar adonis david "do me" beckham has been hired by giorgio armani to shoot an underwear campaign which will debut in fashion magazines starting in january.
america's favorite mess is auctioning an autographed copy of her latest cd, blackout, on ebay. 100% of the proceeds will be donated to unicef, an organization dedicated to aiding children in need around the world.
jacko doesn't deserve an image (plus, this is far more appealing to the eye).
in an interview with mtv, jack nicholson whined like a 4-year-old denied the right to a delightful cookie snack. when asked what he felt about hottie heath leger taking on the role of the new joker for the upcoming batman movie, nicholson seemed surprised they didn't offer the job to him first. "they never asked me about a sequel with the joker," nicholson said. "i know how to do that! nobody ever asked me."
oh. i'm sorry. i didn't realize an overweight 70-year-old grandpa could still pull of the role of the svelte, suit-donning joker.
nicholson continued to bitch, saying the joker was a role he was always meant to play, that maybe he's wrong for how he feels but he's still "furious," and that he has no intention of seeing the film.
wah wah jack. may your millions of dollars and 3 oscars comfort your poor, bleeding heart.
btw: enough with the sunglasses at night. you're not that cool.
spencer pratt, best known for being an attention-seeking camera whore with fellow whoreface heidi montag, is allegedly attempting to secretly leak a sex tape he made in brazil, masquerading the release as a mistake.
denying the claims, spencer slyly whored himself out to promote another project of his: "i was never on camera, and there is no sex tape. however, i did go to brazil three years ago to film a jujitsu tournament for a documentary."
if the tape is released, sources say that it's sure to be chock full of aw yeeea baby's, mmm you like that babe's, and tell me i'm pretty's.
finally. after what has felt like years and years and maybe even eons in limbo, project runway is ready to air. season 4 has finished filming, leaving our favourite brit (notice how i spelled favorite all british-like in honor of timmy???) with this to say: "this is the first season I've said any one of the designers is talented enough to win the entire season."
jessica simpson and owen wilson were spotted dining together at the huntley hotel in santa monica late last month, and again this week at nyc's waverly inn. according to eye-witnesses, there was laughter, arm-touching, and the all-powerful love clue: hair-tossing. is this a new love match? only time will tell.
in a shocking revelation, the associated press has reported that britney spears spends a lot of money. i know! i'm left speechless, myself. maybe it's because she always wears the same pair of d&g sunglasses, but i always thought britney was a frugal spender. so what does our troubled pop princess spend a good chunk of her $737,000 monthly income on? let's take a look, shall we? each month, britney spends:
$49,267 to pay the mortgages on her two homes $16,000 on clothes (totes jelly) $102,000 on "entertainment, gifts and vacation" $4,758 eating out (taco bell is expensive, y'all) $20,000 spousal support (which will end nov. 15, thank god) $15,000 in child support aaand a meager $500 in charitable contributions