Tuesday, October 30, 2007

blackout is divine

it's amazing. provided britney can produce a video that surpasses gimme more, which shouldn't be hard, and can unleash a tremendous new tour (or a fantastic live performance somewhere), guaranteed the girl will put forth a comeback that will far outdo mariah's mimi bullshit.

source: me. because my opinion is all that matters.

Monday, October 29, 2007

dreamy mcbondsalot

okay, so apparently the last bond film starred this beefcake, daniel craig, and someone forgot to send me the memo. thank god i found out, because he has reportedly been signed on to film four more bond films.

source: just jared

nicole's smokin'

former bobblehead and current mommy-to-be nicole richie was reportedly spotted smokin' cigs, despite the complications this can cause for expecting mothers.

i interviewed the surgeon general* who had this to say: "at least it's not crack."

source: ny post

*no i didn't.

j. timb has a huge junk

what? you want something witty to go with this? just look at the picture. jesus.

source: tmz

forgive me father, for i have sinned

in a shocking twist of events, britney spears has done something controversial.

please. take a moment to process.

new promotional photos from her new album, blackout, on sale tomorrow (!!!), have shook things up in the house of jesus. spears, donning what appears to be a shirt-dress, natch, and a rosary, is pictured seducing a stunningly handsome priest.

gimme gimme, more britney. you keep renewing my faith in you (not that i ever truly lost it).

source: britneyboards

that's MY mommy, bitch!

brooke shields had the distinct pleasure of calming her daughter, rowan henchy (pictured above attempting to shoot fire from her eyes), on the set of disney channel's hannah montana, after the indignant 4-year-old suffered from a bout of jealousy at the sight of her mommy playing the role of another young girl's mother.

shields guest-starred as the deceased-but-come-back-to-life-for-a-heart-to-heart mother of ms montana, played by miley cyrus. apparently the show's writers had the audacity to force shields to refer to her on-screen daughter-for-a-day as "baby girl," setting the young wannabe fire-starter into a jealous frenzy, shouting "that's my mama for real life!" baby girl is the real life nickname shields calls young rowan.

suddenly susan was able to calm her daughter down by introducing her to cyrus; the 4-year-old was content, but only after reaffirming her parental ownership.

source: people

Friday, October 26, 2007

leave britney alone! and pay attention to ME!

the internet's favorite southern crybaby, chris crocker, has donned his sunday best and set out for a night on the town, mirroring the past antics of britney & paris, flashing his mangina all over the place.

trust me, you're better off seeing the censored version.

source: dlisted and my worst nightmares

further proof that celebs are superior than normal humans and can get away with everything, orlando bloom will not be charged with a hit-and-run, despite filmed evidence that documented his fleeing from the scene of an accident, leaving behind a passenger with a fractured neck; monsieur bloom was behind the wheel, and may not have returned to the scene if not for the persistent paparazzi (i guess since they cause so many accidents, they're experts on proper protocol post-accident).

and despite allegations that bloom may have been a few sheets to the wind, being that no breathalyser was given, they determined his erratic behavior is to be attributed to being "dazed."

source: tmz, duh

holy trainwreck, batman!

well, he certainly ain't no daniel radcliffe, but lily allen's pot-smoking lil brother, alfie, is the next alan stang in the play, equus. i'm about ready to stage a protest, because seriously, what gives? whatever, peter shaffer thinks he gave a great performance in atonement, but um, how does that guy above compare to this?:

talk about a downgrade. f minus.

source: digital spy

lindsay saw a movie

and the world is once again at piece.

lindsay lohan was spotted leaving the movies, having just watched across the universe. post-rehab lindsay, back in the habit of eating, may have even gorged on some popcorn. butter? no thanks.

source: x17

i want mah kids, y'all

after what is destined to be the most famous court case in the history of court cases, britney and kevin finally faced off today in what promises to be a custody battle of epic proportions. with security tighter than a virgin vagina, no footage was allowed in the courtroom, though at the end, britney reportedly left looking distraught, while dad-of-the-year and all-star rapper k-fed was all smiles.

brit, hon, keep it up. it took a lot to make federline look like the better parent, but it shouldn't take much to fix that.

it should also be noted that britney was awarded bonus points in this round for not flashing her coochie snorcher when getting out of her car.

source: tmz

Thursday, October 25, 2007

from the 'hat to country hats

despite stories that america's formerly favorite airhead was looking for apartments in manhattan, it seems jessica simpson decided to nix the big apple for the country capital of the world, tennessee, to continue drawing in inspiration for her next album. too bad; i was looking forward to many happy afternoons of stalking her as i struggle to capture a lackluster image of her on my cell phone after having left my camera at home again because i can never seem to remember it.

source: female first

leave ur fone @ home y'all

court officials said that all cameras, recording devices and cell phones are strictly forbidden from tomorrow's court hearing between britney spears & ex-moocher keven federline. anyone lucky enough to attend tomorrow's festivities will have to forfeit any such device at one of two security check-ins.

i still expect to see images of the hearing surface tomorrow.

source: tmz

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

i've got a puffy skirt!

and i'm on a magazine cover!

and it's quite possible that i'm a little drunk! whooooaa! spice up your life, yo!

to her credit though, girl's got legs for daaaays.

lance is a big ol' queer

oh, and apparently he wrote a book too. neat. if you feel so inclined, the former n*sync singer (and can you believe it, the only one out after all this time??) will be appearing at the following venues:

10/24/07, 7:00pm, bookends - ridgewood, nj
10/25/07, 8:00pm, outwrite books – atlanta, ga
10/26/07, 6:00pm, books & books - coral gables, fl
10/27/07, 7:00pm, borders books – winter park, fl
10/28/07, 7:00pm, borders books – dallas, tx
10/29/07, 7:30pm, borders books – chicago, il
10/30/07, 7:00pm, books inc. - san francisco, ca

let's hear it for the boy!

oh, whoops. that's just natalie portman! well color my face red!

i could be your hero baby

sure, there's been speculation for months now, each rumor brutally rebuffed with denial. but now, it's getting a little too hard to conceal the truth. heroes star milo ventimiglia reportedly gave kind-of-annoying-but-i-guess-i-like-her costar hayden panettiere an 18-karat gold tiffany ring for her hey-now-i-can-bang-ya-legally birthday celebration. oh, and reportedly, there was one karat per year of her life. how freaken sweet!

the ring, a woven number with a heart, apparently cost $1,950, which really isn't all that much for a strictly platonic friendship, right?

oh, and did i mention, the ring, according to in touch weekly, is inscribed with "sweet like hayden."

seriously? is that the best you could come up with milo? i mean, don't get me wrong, i'd hit it. but uh, please, refrain from articulating your thoughts, thanks.

source: celebrity true

new britney blackout promo


scent of a diva

wearing that dress she wears everyday, the record industry's biggest asshole recently made an appearance at macy*s to promote her new fragrance, m. the fragrance, which reportedly reeks of moroccan incense, a tahitian flower, and toasted marshmallows (what..?), will allegedly allow everyday people to at least smell like a big, cunty diva.

strike a pose mariah! promise, it doesn't look rehearsed at all! you are all natural, baby. a real person. and super down to earth!

a cinderella bore-y

remember how a cinderella story came out, starring the lovely veneer-toting hilary duff, and how everyone was all, "wow that movie looks really stupid but hilary is awesome despite her huge teeth (though i think she actually has grown into them) so i guess i'll give it a whirl," and so then you watched it and were about as amused as you were in raise your voice, though you are and will forever remain too embarrassed to tell anyone other than your closest, most trusted friends?

according to imdb, the sequel, another cinderella story, is due out sometime next year. and no, our girl hilary is too good to star in a sequel that will likely succeed in nothing more than rearranging the storyline from the first and confusing people into thinking it's a new, original plot.

however, the upside..?

this delicious hunk of hotness will be playing the lead male role.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

oj pimpson

he's gotten away with murder.* he's written a book about how he committed said murder. no telling how much dough that will rake in. regardless, according to tmz, the hockey mask wearing football player (catch the jason reference, eh? EH?? cuz jason was a murderer! ya dig..?) cashed in on $1.2 million in NFL pensions from 2003-2005.

god bless america.

*that's my opinion. don't sue me.
source: tmz

say you'll be square

okay, so yeah, it's a great track, but i'm not gonna lie... girls, if you're only coming out with one new song, why couldn't it have been a rebirth of the say you'll be there times? who doesn't love a good, upbeat, poorly-worded pop song? really, now.

i want more zigazig ah!

source: youtube

still unemployed, must lash out

a band of misfit ex-employees has come together, in the guise of goodwill, pooling all of their resources into a deliciously bugglegum myspace page chock full of pathetic ramblings, in an attempt to curtail sales of britney spears' upcoming album, blackout.

an excerpt:

Contact MTV and hold them responsible for allowing Britney to come out and really give us all the finger because she knew we’d all be curious to see what she did. Contact her record label and let them know you’ll buy her album, but not until she is clean and sober and realizes the amazing life she has created for herself.

last i checked, girl has passed several drug tests. not to mention, former employees of britney hardly take flight on a good note. methinks this is a lame attempt at revenge, which i'm sure will succeed in stopping tens and tens of people from purchasing the album.

britney, it's time to curb your spending honey. it's gonna be a long winter.

source: rolling stone

Saturday, October 20, 2007

gimme gimme my kids

praise allah! britney spears has been reawarded visitation rights! america's favorite shirt-as-a-skirt-wearing mommy has been granted the right to hang with her kids, albeit with a court-appointed monitor, of course, after complying with court mandates. her visitation rights were taken away when the courts discovered britney left no contact information with them crazy drug-testing folk.

source: people


ain't that the truth. despite being forced to cancel her large-venue tour due to low ticket sales, ms. clarkson bounced back with a tour of shows hosted at much smalled venues. i could have done without the reels of stock footage playing on the four banners on-stage, but that aside, kelly puts on a damn good show. engaging the audience, interjecting quirky anecdotes in an adorably long-winded manner, and singing (actually singing!) amazingly.

here are a bunch of shitty cell phone pics, because i was too stupid to bring a camera.

lindsay drinking again...

...coffee, that is

in what has been referred to as one of the hottest stories of the year, lindsay lohan has been spotted at, get this, a starbucks. the actress allegedly ordered a coffee. milk & sugar may have been involved.

source: dlisted

new york spicy

the spice girls have finally booked dates for performances in the new york city area!

2.06.08, Nassau Coliseum Uniondale, NY

2.10.08, Prudential Center Newark, NJ

2.11.08, Prudential Center Newark, NJ

2.13.08, Continental Arena East Rutherford, NJ

Friday, October 19, 2007

this just in: nerds are effing hot

ugly betty's christopher gorham, without a shirt on. do i need to come up with some witty anecdote to justify this post? i hope not. i just don't want to lose this picture, but i'm also a little too embarrassed to bookmark it.

spice tour

with 14 confirmed performances in london, and a whopping zero in the cultural epicenter of the world, new york city (okay, maybe a stretch, but seriously, what gives?), the spice girls welcome fans back to their web site with a facelift and a ton of a new information. they've even started a blog!

to all you new york city fans who registered and then cried yourself to sleep when the dates were canceled: fret not! according to the web site, nyc isn't canceled, rather, the dates are tbd. so we'll see. we still may be treated to a non-lesbianic dose of girl power.

katie's cute, suri isn't an alien

katie holmes walks non-alien daughter suri in manhattan's upper east side. i don't care what people say. sure, tom is pretty crazy, therefore katie has a certain degree of insanity, but as a family, they make a cute one, and suri is adorable. scientology & crazy name spelling obsession aside, what a freaken adorable family.

britney breathes, fans react

earlier today, britney ran over the foot of one of the 50 paparazzi constantly surrounding her, capturing her every breath, sneeze and fart. it was probably his fault anyway. everyone who follows the intricate details of britney's life knows that the girl can not drive. so stand within 10 feet of her car when she's behind the wheel with the engine running, well, you're taking a huge risk. so when the pop star parks her car on your foot ("omg y'all, should i keep moving or just let the car sit on his foot? y'all, i don't know what to do!"), you're the only one to blame.

however! all is not lost. sure, your toes are flattened and it's a little hard to walk, but let's be realistic. a: you probably got some great photos, and b: you can sell the sock that brit brit crushed on ebay and pay for the hospital visit that made you famous for 3 minutes.

the source, tmz, bien sur

as of 10.18pm on 10/19 (yeah, that's right, it's a friday night and i'm in posting to this new destined-to-be-unsuccessful-blog, big whoop. wanna fight about it?), the sock is at $1,025. for $200 more than the cost of my monthly rent, someone is ready to buy the sock of a guy whose foot britney spears parked on. god bless america.


so the plan is, i post my take on trashy news (think: britney's poorly maintained weave, what she ordered at starbucks, and who that feisty kid sister of her is yelling at). i'll find news elsewhere, and regurgitate (omg that's almost like the name of the blog, except abbrev'ed!) it here, for your enjoyment.

i have big plans for this blog. by the end of the year, i hope to have 3 or 4 readers. and 2008? You better watch out. by then, i predict tens and tens of people will be tuning in to catch their much-needed dose of gossip and less-than-worthwhile news.

for now, i leave you with this, my favorite commercial: